Kathi
Hey, my friend What's up, and welcome back to another episode of Do Life Big. I am super excited to have you here today. Because today, you get to hear from a very special guest that's going to be on the show. Her name is Megan Blacksmith. And she is absolutely incredible and so knowledgeable. She teaches NLP which stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming. And she focuses a lot on the mindset component piece. So her and I have a lot of things in common. We have a lot of similarities. And you're going to learn so much from her. She's also the host of the Becoming Zesty Podcast. And I'm just really excited for you to be able to hear from her today. We're going to have a great conversation. So enjoy it. And let's dive in.
Megan
Well, hello, everybody. And hello, Kathi.
Kathi
Hey, Megan, how's it going?
Megan
Very, very good. So we're doing something interesting and different today because it's 2024. And we can do whatever the hell we want.
Kathi
Better believe it.
Megan
Okay, so we're gonna record a podcast today that we're going to put on both of our podcasts because the topic that we chose is for everyone. And what we're decided we're going to talk about Kathi and I were just, we just met at an amazing event with our business mentor, James Wedmore. And I've been wanting to share our takeaways. And Kathi has a million takeaways as well. So we thought why don't we do this together? We were both there together. We know it serves everyone we talked to. So if you're here on the Zesty, Becoming Zesty Podcast, welcome back. And if you're on Kathi's podcast, Kathi, why don't you intro yourself for our listeners, and I'll do a quick intro for yours.
Kathi
Alright, awesome. Well, my name is Kathi Reuter. And I am the host of the Do Life Big Podcast. I'm also a mindset coach. And I work with online entrepreneurs who are stuck at an income plateau. I teach them how to break that income plateau, build a six-figures and beyond by teaching them how to reprogram the way that they think because ultimately, at the end of the day, it's your thoughts that create the results that you want in your life. And so I'm really passionate about that. I love helping people just unlock their true potential, and be that magnet to what it is that they really want to reach in life for their fullest potential in life and just in business in general. So super excited to be here.
Megan
And so now everyone who listens to the Becoming Zesty Podcast knows why we're so aligned, because we do a very similar thing. We're training coaches, practitioners, leaders in NLP Quantum Time Technique and Hypnosis so that they can change those beliefs. So we're, we both know the power of beliefs, we both know the power of changing identity from that level, and then how that trickles out to everywhere. So…
Kathi
I love that.
Megan
Okay, so I had amazing breakthroughs at this event. And it sounds like you did too, Kathi.
Kathi
I did. It was really unbelievable. Such a great event. It's just crazy.
Megan
Yeah, How often do you go to live events like this? So this is something that I now make a regular part of my life. And that's why we also now host twice a year, a two-day event, you know, an intro event.
Kathi
Oh my gosh, I love that. I would love to be able to do that one day to host my own event. Even if it was just for like a day. I would love that. It's definitely on the vision board. I've been going honestly to these personal development business events for about 10 years now. Before I got into this business, which I had been running for the past two years as a mindset coach, and podcast host I was running a health and fitness business. So I was going to events every single quarter. And so I think it's so important that especially if you're an entrepreneur that you attend these events in person, at least every quarter just to keep the momentum going. Keep yourself motivated, you know, make new connections with people, keep you in the game, keep your dreaming big and just get you in the room around the right people, you know, it's just something about being in the room with the right people.
Megan
That energy was amazing.
Kathi
Oh my gosh, I just can't. And you know, it's crazy. Because, you know, I was actually really nervous to go to that event. And because, you know, when I was running my health and fitness business, I had been doing that for nine years. And every event that I'd gone to was like, everybody knew me, I knew everyone like, No, you don’t know, no one was new. And then all of a sudden it was we're going to be going to Business By Design live with James Wedmore. And there's going to be a thousand people there and you don't know anyone. And I was like, this is really out of my comfort zone. But I know that you need to do this to grow and get to the next level. And just the connections and just even meeting you like all the people that I met there, it was just so crazy how they were all meant to come into my life like a thousand people there and I just happened to meet you which we do like the same thing. And I met so many other people where we had just so many things in common. It was amazing. I love it.
Megan
Absolutely. So why don't you start, Kathi, if you have, let's just start with any of the big takeaways you had or any breakthroughs, aha moments, to start with one that stands out for you. And we'll just go from there.
Kathi
Yeah, that sounds great. So the one that I want to share was my like, personal breakthrough that I had when we were doing that spoon-bending like activity, and just all the different things that were coming to my mind just for the spoon-bending activity, which I couldn't bend the damn spoon. I have to. I have to figure out how to bend the damn spoon one of these days, I will. I'll get there, I felt a little bit better when Jenny was like, Don't worry, it took James years to be able to do this. He just was able to do this recently. So I'm like, Alright, good. It's not just me, I don't have a problem. I'll figure it out.
But, you know, I was really looking back at my 2023 when I was at this event. And what I realized was that even though I had gone through all this personal development and had been running businesses for 10 years, and the fact that I'm a mindset coach, and I literally teach people how to uncover what's holding them back and teach them, how to replace it with more empowering beliefs so that they can get the results that they want. What I didn't really realize about myself was that I was still somewhat holding myself back with my own shit that I had inside of me. That I was still, even though really great at helping other people do that, couldn't see it in myself. And I had like these blinders on. And because of that, I was afraid to be seen as like a beginner, or as, like a newbie, because I had gone from that big business that I was building that was really successful, where everybody knew me for what I was doing, everything on social media was all revolved around health and wellness, and fitness. And I did it so well, I knew so well, I could do it in my sleep, it was producing good income. And then all of a sudden, I had to decide that I wanted to start this new business. And I was afraid to then start to show up consistently enough on social media as just like my authentic self because it was so new to me, I was worried that like I just wasn't going to be good enough. And that people wouldn't think that I was qualified enough. And so because of that I let my own thoughts kind of get in my head. And I let some things from the past with my past failures kind of start to consume me, old failures that I had already worked through before started to pop up.
And what I realized about the whole thing was that I was still afraid to be seen as me. And I could trace this all the way back to my childhood where, you know, I was a really quiet person as a child. I mean, if you know me now, I am really loud and bold, and I laugh loud. And you can hear me come in a freaking mile down the road. And I kind of just say what's on my mind, I'm very blunt about it. And a big dreamer. You know, if I have an idea in my head, I just do it. And I'm not afraid to like be me like when I'm around other people. But as a child that was not like that at all, I was very quiet, just very vanilla, stay in the background. Don't do anything too crazy to stand out or anything like that. Don't ruffle any feathers. Don't speak up and say something even though you really do want to say something. Just always constantly seeking approval wanting to be liked, things like that.
And I was realizing that I was holding myself back on 2023 because of that fear of being seen as a newbie or beginner being seen as making mistakes that I all of a sudden just stopped to be coming as consistent as I was. So I started becoming really inconsistent. And then when you do that, you know you don't get the results you want to see obviously. And what I realized was that people need me to show up as me, so that they can learn from the things that I'm going through and so that I can learn from the things I'm growing through too. Like I have to force myself to show up. Don't be afraid to be seen. And so that was like one of my biggest breakthroughs that I had was, you're gonna be committed, like for 2024 I was like walked out of this, you know, Business By Design live and I was like, your freaking words for 2024, okay, are gonna be ownership, right is going to be playful out and like just responsibility and you're gonna do it even if it feels uncomfortable. And so I walked away from that conference and I and I put those plans into motion right away even though I came home with the freakin flu and was in bed for like, 10 days. Did you get sick too?
Megan
No, I just got sick like last week. So I waited, I waited.
Kathi
Oh my god anyways. Yeah, so I was like, ready and rocking and rolling. And you know, it was just, it was just crazy. Like, how it all happened. Like just the whole thing I was able to uncover because I was putting up a front like the whole entire time. Like, I don't have those problems anymore. Those things aren't really stopping me anymore. I mean, I'm successful. I'm doing what I want to be doing. I'm living where I want to be living like everything about it is good. But I was like, still a piece of me, still was holding me back. I wasn't really living up to my truest potential because of that fear of being seen making mistakes and being imperfect. Which I've suffered this whole entire life of being like, everything's got to be perfect. It can't make any mistakes. And I've really worked hard through that. I've made tons of progress. But you know, it's day by day, day by day.
Megan
Looks like I'm speaking to myself right now.
Kathi
Oh, really? Oh, my God.
Megan
Yeah. I was on a podcast, I was interviewed on a podcast this morning. And I said, the words that you just said of I am really good at helping other people find their beliefs. I do this for a living. It feels very, very adequate. Very good.
Kathi
Yes.
Megan
I was hiding so much shit from myself. Until like three weeks ago, until that event, it all kind of came out. So it's just really interesting to hear you, mirror that.
Kathi
It was crazy. It was like all those things. I thought that I had gotten over. Like you study this, you also have a degree in Psychology. Like you study the mind, you help other people do what do you mean, you have your own shit, you still need to work out, you know. And it was almost like, again, it was that whole image of feeling like you had to have it all together and be perfect. Like, oh, because of a mindset coach, that means that I have no problems of my own. Everything is all resolved. Tada, it's like, Screw you, you got issues to steal, we all do. We're working on him.
You know, you don't have to feel inadequate, or like there's something wrong with you. This is just part of it. And I think that's part of like the growth like trajectory as if you're someone which obviously, if you're listening to these, you know, this podcast, you know, you want to grow, you want to live up to your best potential. And so it's normal to feel like this discomfort and like this resistance and this, almost like inadequacy and like a little bit of self-doubt here. Because you're transforming yourself into a completely new version of yourself. And it never ends. Like there's no endpoint. It's like when you're working on your health and fitness, you make it a part of your life. You don't ever get like to the destination, you continue to eat the right things, drink a lot of water, move your body, it's the same thing when you know you're working with your mind. You've got to work on it every day, make it part of your life.
Megan
Yeah, I want to go more into that. Although I would love… can you share? Or do you know, when you went from the shy version to the year like, I'm in your face now or whatever the wording is, what do you know when that shifted?
Kathi
Yeah, I know. And that shifted, literally when I was like 30 years old. So I'm 42 years old right now. And I literally just talked about this recently with somebody as talking about how, you know, like, growing up, there were three of us. So I have an older brother who's nine years older, and then I have a younger sister who's two years younger than me. So I'm like the middle child, but not really the middle child, I possess more of like the firstborn characteristics and whatnot. But growing up, I was always the one who I wanted to make, make it easy for my parents, because, you know, one of my siblings was not that easy. And so I never wanted to cause any extra problems or extra stress or anything like that on them. And so I adopted this like identity of Kathi's like the good child, Kathi is the one that doesn't do anything wrong. Kathi is the rule follower, Kathi is the one who makes all these decisions based on you know what everybody else wants because it's going to make them happy, and it's not going to upset them but you know, even if it would upset me.
So I adopted this identity I was a shy, quiet person. Always kind of feeling like I never really was like good enough. Like I literally remember getting picked on on the bus like all the time on the way home for having a gap between my two front teeth. And it doing like the dodgeball games and things like that. You'd line up and they'd have the two captains and the captains were able to like you pick one and you pick one and I was always like one of the last ones to be picked, oh my God, all these things and they stick with you forever. And because of this whole identity that I had as a child, and I was always a positive person, I wasn't like a negative person at all by any means. But I also, like, didn't think I was that smart. I thought I had like a mental block and math. I never did well, in it. My teachers literally said I was stupid. I had a sixth-grade teacher who actually told me that I was stupid. So then I started to adopt all these different identities that were given to me, all these different labels that were given to me by other people. This whole like, you're not smart enough, you're not really good enough, just be quiet, follow the rules do all the right things don't stand out, like that kind of thing.
But because I lived like that, I attracted all these not-so-great relationships into my life, right? Like, I ended up having all these friendships where they would just take advantage of me. And they'd walk all over me because I was the nice person and the one always going the extra step to be the better friend, right, I was always the one going to the people doing the right thing, cheering them on making them feel good, but it was never reciprocated. It was a lot of passive-aggressive and just kind of cruel treatment.
And I remember when I started my first business when I was 30, this is when I started to make the change, where I realized that I need to freaking do something about this, because this ain't working. I started this business and you know how it is like when you're trying to grow, and you're trying to do something different that your peers are not doing, right, like so all these people, for example, were like my high school friends. And then all of a sudden, Kathi's, like, I'm going to become an entrepreneur, even though I went to school to become a teacher, I'm going to become an entrepreneur. And that's what I'm going to do. Because I want to be able to stay home with my kids, and I want to earn money at the same time. And this is the perfect thing.
And so I started to grow. And I started to grow really fast. And I started to earn income. And I started to have success. And the people who I was currently friends with, were never supportive over that. And at the time, that was so hard for me to wrap my brain around. Like I literally, I mean, I lost so much sleep over that back then, because I hadn't done the personal growth and development that I needed to do to learn that that really was nothing about me that that was all about them. And that whenever you're in like a peer group of people, and you're trying to grow, and they're all staying the same, it makes them feel insecure about themselves. Like they should be doing that, even though they don't have the balls to do it. Right?
And so it was 30 years old, I started to have this realization that is actually when I started to do personal development. And my husband had always been into personal development. And I used to make fun of them and be like, That's so stupid. Why would you do personal development? Where are the good people? La,la,la. And then when I started this business, I realized, like, if you want to be able to help people reach their true potential, their fullest potential, then you have to work on yourself, and girl, you got some shit you gotta work on. And we'd love to swear on this podcast, I hope.
Megan
Yeah, we are, we are.
Kathi
Okay. Okay. And so, you know, I was like, I need to start doing this personal development. And that was when I really started doing this personal development, I started listening to so many different books on Audible, I started listening to all different kinds of podcasts. And I started to realize that screw those people, right, they're a bunch of A-holes, they're not true friends that if they were true friends, they'd want to support me, besides, I'm growing, I want to be around other people that are also on this growth trajectory. That's why I love going in person events, you get around these people that are just like you.
And I was like, this isn't how it's supposed to be like, this whole verge past version of me. It didn't serve me and this is where I want to go. And if I want to go that way, I got to keep working on myself. And so literally was at the age of 30, where I started doing this, and slowly but surely adopted this mentality of you're gonna either like me or you're not. And trust me, you're gonna figure it out really fast within a few minutes of being with me, whether I'm your type of cup of tea or not. And that's okay. No more of this being vanilla. I'm going to be freaking rocky road with extra caramel and a shitload of chocolate sprinkles on it. And that's it. And the right people are going to be attracted to me. And so every day since the age of 30, it was when I started doing this personal development and made that shift from no more of the shy person. I'm going for it. And I’m really gonna be me. What is it?
Megan
You made a decision?
Kathi
Yeah, exactly. I just drew the line in the sand. And I was like, you either want to change or you don't. You're not happy with the way that it's gone in the past and people walking all over you and saying things to you. And you can’t understand why. Then you gotta change and you gotta get yourself reading the right things, listening to the right things, practicing new daily habits and getting yourself around the right freaking people. Now, it's so crazy when you look at the group of people that I know now. They're pretty much all like entrepreneurs, all so supportive. You know what it's like, because you're in the same boat, all saying things like, Yeah, go for it cheering you on every step of the way. That's amazing. Congratulations. And it feels so good to be this version of me now.
Megan
That's so cool. Yeah.
Kathi
Oh, yeah. How about you? Did you have like a similar? Kind of?
Megan
It's everything is so similar. I don't think I need to tell it because it's the same. So you know,
Kathi
Exactly. what she just said is exactly what it's going through.
Megan
You know. So it's interesting that you're a lot of your breakthrough was around the spoon bending at the event. So I'll just share a little bit going into this the James Wedmore event. I and I've shared this on our podcast. So on the Becoming Zesty Podcasts, I haven't, my husband and I did a full conversation about a recent honesty journey we've been through and it's it's rocked our world quite a bit starting with reading a book. A little book. So I went from kind of just being like three weeks into this process with my husband that really opened up our whole world to the fact that we hadn't been honest. And there's there's like lying outright, which is not something I do anymore. I did as a high school and college. And it was a much more the flavor of withholding. So protecting people the peacekeeping, the people pleasing it was, it's like it, you know, so ingrained in me, and I am also that person in my family that keeps everybody together. And when I stopped, it was like, keep the peace.
Yep, yeah, I see, I really want I really was the glue. So, coming into this event, my world had been rocked a little bit. And I almost didn't, I almost didn't go but I love Mason, James. And I love live events. And I was you know, I had plans and I was going we have a coach who works for us, our head coach lives in San Diego, and I was planning to go to her a few days in advance, it was right when my birthday was like that Monday. And now I had some chaos going on in my life. And we do breakthrough work. So she was like, okay, she did a whole day of breakthrough work with me and rewired my mind. And we did all this cool stuff.
So I was like, I can't, I gotta go at a minimum, I'm gonna go get that support. And then I had put in my mind because I have been going to the James’ events for the last year, the in-person ones. And when I go, I made a deal with myself to raise my hand and speak up because that was a thing from childhood, I do not like to raise my hand, I don't mind being the leader of a group, I'm happy to be on stage when it's my group. And the idea of raising my hand and being vulnerable when you're not in charge. That scared the crap out of me. So I had been actively working on that and like, like forcing basically forcing myself to do it. And just, oh, look, you're still alive. You can Oh, look, that was all right. And at this event, I was just in a really, you know, vulnerable place. And I made a deal with myself. I'm like, Megan, you do not have to raise your hand at this event. I also made a deal with myself that if they got into super, like deep business topics that I didn't care about, like a certain things about, you know, webinar or something that I'm not doing right now, I would give myself permission to just go to the room and nap I had was giving myself all this permission, then go into the event, it's not gonna raise my hand not going to do the things. And did we do Spoon Bending the first morning? We did, right?
Kathi
Yeah, the first morning.
Megan
Yeah. So in within the first few hours, there's, you know, almost 1000 people there, Jamie, on stage. And Jenny says, is Megan Blacksmith here? Oh, my God. I don't know if you probably don't remember, because you can't see everybody. But she was the one who asked me about the spoon bending. She said I did. Can you please tell everybody about your spoon-bending experience because we had done spoon bending in a previous event and I had not bent the spoon. So she wanted me to explain that. And actually just for anyone listening for like, What the heck is spoon bending? Essentially, they've handed out spoons to all of us. And this is not total Matrix style where you do it with your mind, you are actually physically using your hands you kind of pull state and move the spoon. But what happens though, in the process, you're getting into a meditative state, you're getting into gratitude, you're getting an, especially in the energy of a room like that, where at some point, it can become really easy to bend it you still physically use your hands, but we had people who have like, five spirals and you'll see there you know, again, I did not bend mine did not move at all the first time we did it, it was straight.
And so like it takes a good amount of force to like force bend it, you could, but when it actually flows, it's different. So I stood like, oh, great, here we go. I said I want to go and they call on me and they said can you share your experience with like, okay, because what happened for me, and I don't know if this is what happened for you, Kathi but every time we'd get into a memory, so it would be like something you're grateful for or you were really powerful in I would have a memory or thought and then I would judge myself for it. For example, that was the birth of my second child. And then in my head, I said, Why was I thinking of the other one. So I like, pulled myself out of the state and emotion every single time by judging where my brain went.
Kathi
Yeah, and that's funny that you say that because I'm so similar in the way in that way where, because I have this identity, and I am the happy positive, I can make anybody feel good personality. I also don't like to feel pain, like sadness, I don't like to feel that emotion. I don't like it. And every time I would have to go into some kind of meditative state at one of these events, I would freak and cringe because then when you go into that, you have to feel. And half the time I did this in the past, or an I'd have to go into these meditative states, I would literally not allow myself to go there. Like, I would force myself to think of something else and not even be present in the moment, because I didn't want to feel it. And it wasn't until last year where I did this whole meditative process thing again, where I went into the room, and I said, Kathi, like, you're going to do it the damn thing, and you are going to really do it, and you are going to allow yourself to feel whatever the hell comes to your mind. And you're going to feel it. And it's okay. And this is good, because it's going to help you grow. And like, every time I do it, I'm just crying. And like, half the time, I don't even know what the hell I'm crying about. But it's good. It's good.
Megan
That'ds… I love that you've already recognized that it's like, actual avoidance of the emotion and where it takes us. It's yeah, it's scary. And especially many of us have the belief like, once I open that up, I don't know what's gonna happen. I don't know if I can put it back in the box,
Kathi
Right! Am I going to ever stop?
Megan
Will I ever stop? So I was doing a similar thing, you and I would choose memories and things that are like supposed to make you happy or have gratitude versus the thing that your mind just goes to. So that was the difference going into this spoon bending. So this was you know, your first time my second time. And this time I'd like it just was gonna whatever play through life up like I do not care if I bend the spoon at the end, I did care the first time. The second time, I was like, I do not care. Like, I'm just I'm just here. I'm barely here.
Kathi
I'm here crawling.
Megan
And it was like whatever pops into my mind. I wasn't thinking ahead of like, What memories will get me there? Like, what do I have the most gratitude for like, whatever that pops into my mind. Cool. And that's and from the second she started the meditation, every single word I was bawling. Like, I was just crying every single word hit me from the very beginning. And when we did finally go to an actual specific memory, I went to just this three weeks ago, where my husband and I had had a full honesty, just you know, we basically said, let's tell each other everything we've never told each other for the last 18 years.
Kathi
And my gosh, how scary.
Megan
And we dumped the bucket. And there was a lot to dump. Oh, boy. Yeah. So we've had changes changed for me the how, what I had believed our past to be in what I've had believed our marriage to be and it had had changed, you know, foundationally everything. So in a way it was not really not in a way it wasn't something I pull up as a happy memory. Right? No, definitely not. And it had I had so much power to it. And I actually had so much gratitude for it already. Which is interesting because I was still in it. Because I knew that sucked so badly. Like so painful.
I knew I'd never allow myself to do that again. I knew I would no longer be a people pleaser from that point on I knew all the dance we'd been doing and all the things I'd let go and all this stuff I'd pretend it was okay. It was so painful to realize that none of that had worked and doing air quotes right like Yeah, didn't stop any pain any resentment. So this like let's keep the peace and do all the nice things that it does shit. Yeah, it didn't it didn't just do that it was horrible. It was I allowed so many things I can't even imagine if one of my daughters were two we'll let that happen for that long and plenty of opportunities for my intuition to kick in my so it was so extreme and so strong that that was you know second time and my spoon did actually just did it bit did total and it was totally different than the first time I because I I'm like kind of looking at other people didn't they just end it right.
Kathi
But no one believes it.
Megan
It was a totally different experience.
Kathi
Oh my gosh, that is Incredible that is really deep.
Megan
It was like the energy that got freed up from just three weeks of being super honest. allowed me to have like the personal power to bend a spoon.
Kathi
Wow! that is so powerful. That is so crazy and awesome, though.
Megan
Yeah, And so I love that they did that at this event. So like at our level to NLP training we we break boards, right? Like we do the karate chop bus, the board, and just sounds so fun. It's awesome. And so it's a similar thing, though, it's not about breaking the board. It's about what does your mind do. It's about. So for example, I didn't pick the board the first time. And so it's like, what is your recovery strategy? Do you like freak out? I didn't break the board. And I'm like, way stronger than this other person who just broke their board. And what does that mean about me and right, like, you can go Yeah, you get to see your patterns. And they, you know, we they, they talk you through this stuff, like, what is your strategy, if you don't, and they had talked about that ahead of time. I love that that was brought up of like, it's not about doing the thing. It's like, what do you do if you don't do this thing? And so I got up again, and I reset, and I took more deep breath, and then I broke the board.
Kathi
It's so true, though it is I love how you mentioned that because it's so true about like, it's all like different stories that we tell ourselves, you know, with every single event that happens every day. Like what are you going to make that mean about you? Like, are you going to make that mean something negative about you? Are you just kind of keep it neutral? And keep going, you know?
Megan
Which will really quickly bring up our whole set of beliefs.
Kathi
Oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh, yeah,
Megan
I believe I'm a strong person, then I probably wouldn't make that mean, I'm not strong, I probably make some other thing. But if I like have this whole thing about, I really should have been working out more and I you know, fitness hasn't been a priority, then I can make that mean, that's about my physical strength. Same thing, not breaking a board could mean many different things.
Kathi
Same exact thing. I know. Oh, I wonder if I could try to break the board. I mean, if I can't bend the spoon yet, clearly have some work.
Megan
I was able to break the board before bending soon. But you could do it. Breaking the board is more about still, we teach the strategy. It's kind of like what are you thinking? What are you feeling? What are you saying to yourself, like if you're teaching the strategy and the idea that you can adopt any strategy that someone else is doing and apply it and you'll get the same result? So whereas the spoon bending, I do feel like there's much more of a process of getting out of your way, right?
Kathi
Like, yeah, and for someone like me who's like, been a major control freak. Like, I mean, I have to work on this so hard. Like with everything, just everything from even just taking care of the kids. And do I have every single little thing I need it like in case I have a headache? Did I bring with the Children's Tylenol when I went away to Orlando for New Year's Eve? And oh my gosh, do I have the snacks do I have this? Is somebody going to get hurt? Don't jump off this don't run too fast. It's like, like, it's okay, Kathi, chill out. You're gonna give yourself a brain aneurysm.
Megan
Yeah. So you lean more towards like, I gotta be prepared.
Kathi
Right, exactly. I have to be prepared for like, cause if I'm not prepared and something happens. And it's my fault, because I wasn't prepared. And, you know, I'm the one responsible.
Megan
Right? So what does that what does that mean about me?
Kathi
Exactly. Right. That's what it that's what it always goes back to.
Megan
And I, I love that you're bringing up the emotion piece because that is such a big area that we see. And I was that I mean, I'm just learning my emotions in the last couple of years. And my business partner, Dr. Alex is like, she's a couple of years ahead of me on this journey. So it's like, she'll say, like, I thought there were maybe like five emotions like happy, sad, angry, like hungry, you know? So to learn, like there's this world because often when we're controlling things, we're actually afraid of feeling the emotion, the feeling the emotion of I didn't bring that thing. And now someone is hurt and I feel responsible. Right? That's the feeling. Like that's the same thing of the withholding is like I've never wanted to hurt anyone else. Like I was okay with being hurt. Yeah, but be the one responsible for hurt. That felt very scary.
Kathi
Yeah, I'm the same way. I'm just like that. Exactly. Same way.
Megan
Yeah, that's why when reading the honesty book, that's why it was such a hard process because when you're in the belief system that you know, withholding to keep up People save for having all the things you need. Well, then you're constantly in that role.And then like you're not honest. And then, and then the filters I think what's been so interesting Kathi is like, at So once my husband and I started this process, we're like, Okay, well, we dumped all the big stuff. So now we're gonna live day to day, we're gonna live day to day, like, every single day. It's just honesty. And it's like, we're meeting every meeting each other because I'll see something now or I'll hear something in his tone. I couldn't hear before. Because I had all these protective mechanisms of like, okay, well, you did all this bad stuff. So that means like, I'm safe, like, you can't leave me. Right as lists, you know, you've got the long list. And so, oh, are here I'm hearing like this nuance. I was like, I hear resentment in your voice. And now, we're actually talking about it. And he'll be able to say, Yeah, it's really hard for me when you travel or do this, and he would have never said that before.
Kathi
Wow, this is amazing. Yeah, it's incredible, though, that you guys had that conversation, like how powerful is that.
Megan
Yesterday he’d said, Do you remember what the initial statement was? Oh, I was starting to get when he goes away, I start to get in, like clean or order mode, which is not my normal mode. And he noticed I was kind of like, Well, he's leaving. And he's like, what's going on? I'm like, Well, when you leave, I know, I'm the only adult in charge. So therefore, if there's like a mess, or something out of line, or somebody's not getting picked up, like, I am going to have to do it, so I proactively prepare more, clean more, you know, organized like, because nowadays, he's doing full grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning kid pickup. So with, I'm like I am back on and I am out of practice.
Kathi
That's so funny that you do that. I literally do the same thing. Like if, if I know I'm going to be going though,
Megan
oh, you set them up.
Kathi
Oh my god, if I this is the you know, control thing. Because again, I just want everything to go as smooth for everybody as possible without me around. Because I'm the one that holds it all together. And so I will would leave literally you would die. If you saw the notes that I leave my husband, when I go away on a trip, I'm talking a printout, highlights. This is what all the different kids eat because they're well, they're 11,10, and 4. So I mean, 11 and 10 year olds are pretty fine. But the four year olds kind of iffy, but I'll be leaving all the things that this is what they eat. And, you know, if they're gonna go, you know, to the beach, make sure you put the sunblock on like all these little things in these printout notes as if he's not a father. And he hasn't been living with them for the last 11 years. And it's just some rando babysitter that has never watched a child in their life. What gets unbelievable?
Megan
What would happen if you don't?
Kathi
I should seriously just try. I was actually thinking that. I was like, when I go away for the next for the next level trip in April. It's just a couple days, I was like, that would be the perfect opportunity for me to do absolutely nothing. And it will be fine. It's gonna be fine.
Megan
Driven by You. 100%, right. Oh, yeah, we're okay. So there's nobody asked saying that would be nice if you leave us stuff.
Kathi
No, it's just all me.
Megan
This is similar, another ever client who had this similar thing, and she would make all the meals and she package and you know, very detailed, and we worked on this and she started to just not do it. And it was an interesting thing that happened because her husband was like, we don't eat those meals anyway.
Kathi
Oh, my God, he's serious. Yeah, exactly. Let's just be honest. I mean, when they're staying at home with the dad for a couple days, they're eating ice cream. Like if three days, every single meal. It's like it's a free for all right? It's just survival.
Megan
Like it was so much more work for you. And we are going to do what we're going to do anyway and be totally fine. And it was I actually had a similar Well, I had a similar breakthrough with my family because I left to for the NLP trainer to become a trainer. I went to an 18-day training in December. So…
Kathi
Oh my gosh.
Megan
I left my husband, two kids, and 18 days December 1st to 18th. So it's like the whole you know, Christmas season all the things
Kathi
and how old are your two kids?
Megan
So this was a few years ago right now they're eight and 13. But okay, yeah, not not under five. Although, you know, still it's a lot. Yeah, they're still little. And they had the biggest breakthrough together because because I was gone so long. Like there. I am kind of the in between for them. I'm like, This is what dad meant. This is what this is what your teenager meant right? And I wasn't there to do that. And they had it out with the teen and her dad a little bit. And by the time I got back, they had finally worked out their communication. She had to. She had to deal with them. He's the only one there, right. Whereas when I'm here, I can buffer and it wasn't doing anyone. It was doing a disservice to both of them. So true much closer since then, Kathi. Yeah, it was actually harming their relationship, because I'm thinking I'm protecting both of them. Because they don't seem to understand each other. I wasn't giving them the chance to work it out.
Kathi
Yeah, that's true. Exactly. Oh, my gosh, wow. See how things always see how things happen like that.
Megan
I love this is what I love about just trainings going to live events is why like, so, for example, we have a seven day certification training that's in Dallas, right? So people have to leave for seven days, and figure out whether they have kids or not, but figure out their job, their business, their kids, their family, whatever. That in itself is usually one of the biggest breakthroughs. Because we are super prepared like you, seven days would be a long time to actually do all this stuff. So luckily, usually it's the time that they drop it.
Kathi
Exactly. Because you just can't do it. It's just become too much and too overwhelming. It's like enough is enough, you know, just go it's going to be fine.
Megan
And then they will mean luckily when they're coming to us, it's like well, we have a container to work through that. So just arrive and then we'll get to unpack.
Kathi
Exactly. Just get yourself here. We'll figure it out. Oh my god. It's so funny that oh my god, I love it. It's so powerful, though. It's crazy. Good stuff.
Megan
Spoon bending. I feel like that was a big, big breakthrough for obviously, both of us. And then the next day I posted on social media, like oh, I finally bent the spoon this time. So I guess James's team saw that. And then they call on me again the next day to share and so here I am, I'm like, Okay, this is hilarious. I come to an event where normally I'm wanting to talk and raising my hand, why I decided I wasn't and I'm just getting called on. And I've been working on honesty, and I've been working with the voice coach. And so it was all just kind of meshing together. And when I hear about the spoon bending, I shared really openly to that room of, you know, almost 1000 people about this honesty journey and just the state I was in what my husband and I was going through and it felt there. It felt like way TMI felt like very unsafe to share about level but it just, you just came out of my mouth. And after I was like, Huh, well, we'll see what happens, right where, you know, vulnerability hangover kicking in.
And it was such a great way to rewire my mind, because I did still have this belief of like, it's great to be vulnerable, that I had that belief, but to be vulnerable in a business space, when you are a business that helps people with their beliefs, just like you were saying, right? That to me was very scary. Yeah, it's very intimidating. Like who would ever come to my training? You know, right?
Kathi
That's exactly what I was thinking to the whole time. Like, if people know that I have my own stuff that I'm still working on it, I don't have it, like 100% all figured out. Who the heck is ever going to want to go through my program? Right, and what we're gonna want to work one on one with me to learn how to you know, rewire their mind.
Megan
And luckily, literally, we can be amazing guides, even if we're working. And actually I'm sure you've experienced even better because once you go through your own stuff like that, you physically felt it and you know what it is and you know, the stories and used to know what goes on so you can really, really be compassionate for that person when they're in exactly. Not like ooh, everything's always worked out for me, I don't know what your problem is. You're you're really you really get them.
Kathi
That's what it is. And I think that was like it that was like another kind of realization that I had was that you know, the things that you learn about yourself that you know, I learned about myself or that you learned about yourself are so important to go through those and figure them out because then it just allows you to be able to help more people you know, get through their things you know, it's someone's gonna come to you and they're going to need help in something and you've already been there done that versus if you're just trying to avoid it. I mean, that doesn't do anybody any favors.
Megan
And the opposite so the opposite happened after that is because I had actually spoken up so then you know 30 People probably came up to me after that. Oh my gosh, I so resonate with your honesty journey. Oh my goodness, I'm in this disaster of my own. Oh my goodness, like it just one story after another. And I think I think I have like 10 podcast interviews lined up from that, it was just such clear evidence to my brain that you can share real things, you can have plenty going on, and not really know exactly what the end will be or how it will work out. And you can still help people.
Kathi
They're so true. Yeah, that's the whole thing, too. And it's kind of like, you know, you've heard that whole thing, you know, your message, your message, right? I'd be like, no one wants to hear my message for the longest time. But honestly, like, no one wants to hear this shit show. But it's, it's every single time where you get vulnerable, and you share the mess that you're in. It helps so many more people, and it's so much more relatable. You nobody, nobody wants the person that has it all together. It's like it does, that's not even real, it doesn't exist. And so it's like, you know, in order to be able to have that kind of impact in other people's lives, you have to be vulnerable like that. And you have to share it, and you have to talk about it. And it's okay. It doesn't mean that you're flawed. You're messed up, or you're not meant to do what you're doing. It's all part of the journey.
Megan
But Kathi, don't you feel like the message I've always gotten, it was like, share your mess. But once you're totally fully through it. That's what I thought.
Kathi
Oh, yeah, exactly. Like don't share it. Well, yeah, exactly. No one wants to hear about it when you're going through it, right. But it's like, that's not true. Like, people are going through what you're like you're going through right now. And so share it while you're in the middle of it, trying to figure it out. So that way, you can have more of an impact. It's kind of like, you're working on your health and fitness. And you have like 50 pounds, you got to lose. It's like, Here I am 50 pounds heavier than all of a sudden, boom, look at me now. It's like, well, how the hell did you do that? Like, can you share it, people want to be on the journey with you? from start to end?
Megan
Right. And I, I learned that because I shared real time. And when we moved into our home, and we have mold in our home, and I was a year long process for the house and my body. So it was shared real time because of like, here's what's going on. And when, you know, tons of people said they got a benefit from that, right as as they're going through. And so I was able to recognize, I was like, Okay, I shared that. Because to me, that was like this external thing, though. It was like, Well, my house had that. And yes, it did affect my body. But like, it was a thing, right? Whereas when I do feel in general, when it feels a little bit more like a personal struggle, or mental health or sadness, depression, anxious thoughts, those feel like, say more personal, but they're there in me.
Kathi
Exactly. It's like, it's like a part of you. It's like it is you.
Megan
And it can easily be thought of, I don't believe this, but like, why I'm doing something wrong. Versus like, oh, the environment gave my house mold. It's much easier, like, oh, we can talk about that problem. Because it's like, I didn't do it, versus these other things are easy, much easier to be like, maybe I caused that. Maybe I'm still causing that when I know. So true. Art is harder, I think, much harder to share about. And that's why I was like, All right.
Kathi
Yeah, I know, that was amazing that you stood up and did that. I was like, wow, this is incredible. But it's such a safe space. You know what I mean? Like, that's what I mean about the importance of going and getting yourself in the room with the right people at these live events, because it helps everybody. And, you know, it's like your safe place like no one's judging you. Even though you feel like a little like, oh my god, this is totally out of my comfort zone, being honest here with this. Everybody supports you. And they encourage you to share what's what's going on to get it off your chest and to just be you and show up as you are. And I love that.
Megan
I'm curious. Kathi, I know you I want to make sure I'm aware of your time. And I am curious if you have a process or a thought process around mean comments on the internet or trolls or interactions like that, if that is something that you've dealt with, if that's something that bothers you, because I know you've said you've kind of stepped into this, like 30-year-old version of you, like, here I am. And does that still get to you? This is something I'm currently dealing with. So I'm just very curious if you have any thoughts on this.
Kathi
Yeah. So now I'll be honest, back in the day, this would have really bothered me, this really would have bothered me. And when I was doing my first business, I did have things like that just kind of derail me from showing up consistently showing up as myself because I had this fear of people saying these things. And now I'm so much more about protecting my energy, and protecting my inner peace, and being really careful not to give my energy away, or my power away to other people.
And so now if things like that happen, it doesn't get to me at all. Like, if I read the thing, I literally am, like, you know, I, in my mind, I'm like, you know, I feel sorry for this person is clearly going through something in their life right now. And, you know, just pray for them that they figure it out. And they work through what they need to work through, so that they live a happy, fulfilling life. I know it has nothing to do with me. And I don't even like to talk about it. Like even for example of like, you know, gossip and things like that. And people saying bad things about I don't even I don't like to spend any time doing that. Because my energy, I don't want to give my energy away, like your energy is just so important.
And as soon as you let any external things, comments from people post on your reels, whatever it is, as soon as you let any of that get to you, and affect your mood, or your energy, you've already given your power away to that person. And so that's kind of the process that I go through is this person is going through something, you never really know what this person is going through. Clearly, they have a lot of internal work that they need to work on themselves. And I just pray that they can figure that out one day so that they can find you know, happiness inside. Because if you were truly happy with yourself, this is what it all comes down to. If you're truly happy like with yourself, you wouldn't attack other people like that. You just wouldn't, you wouldn't.
I mean, think about all the people that you know, who are genuinely truly good humans, like good people and are genuinely happy. They don't go around attacking and criticizing other people. And so that's why I kind of always step aside and say, Well, we're gonna, we're just gonna, we're just gonna pray for them. I hope it figures it out. I'm going to keep working on me keep working on my mindset. But back in the day, I wouldn't have done that I would have let that stop me. And I would have taken it to heart and made it mean that see, I shouldn't have done this. This was a dumb idea. I should have just maybe just gone back to teaching, you know, maybe this entrepreneurial journey isn't for me. So I think that that that's been really helpful to me.
Megan
I love that said something in that James Wedmore room, I think they said, Well, no one here in this room is commenting mainly on anyone else's stuff. Because when you're creating and you're building something, or you've ever created an online business profile, you know, what it takes to write these things and share these things and do these things? Like even if you don't agree, you know, what went into that, and you know, what people's? Yeah, just the intention, and you know, it doesn't, you know, have to agree. And, you know, when you're, yeah, you're creating this world and you're being a thought leader, then you're not usually consuming the content to begin with. So for me that just, it's hard for me to even understand, like, the place I think someone would have to be in, to be going around and commenting me things I just,.
Kathi
I know people like this. And, I mean, I've had to cut ties with these kinds of people, just kind of always on a mission to bring you down, when you're trying to improve your life. And they're very sad people, they're kind of like depressed, not happy with themselves. And you know, when you're someone like you and I, who are been practicing and teaching, you know, mindset growth, things like that. It's so much easier to pick those kinds of people out because someone who was working on personal growth in their mindset, I would never say things like that to people. Right? And they have to, they have to work on themselves. They have to want to work on themselves, they have to want to, they have to, if they were happy with themselves and they love themselves, then they would be genuinely happy for for you. And they wouldn't make those kind of comments. You know.
Megan
I've been trying to figure out because there's, because I've been very honest on social media, our stuff has grown a lot very quickly. And a lot of these kinds of comments back in the day, but it's been a while. So it's like oh, okay, all right. That one's attacking my parenting. Oh, that one's attacking. Like, the fact that I don't know what science is, you know, it was like, all these different areas of life. That was about my relationship. Oh, okay. Yeah. I heard yah, I told you I heard you loud and clear. Yeah. And you know, so all the all the different areas are being mirrored back to me and it was interesting because I was consciously I'm like, I get it. I know this isn't really about me. You know, I know the whole like, Okay, this is this actually means the business is doing well and this whole thing consciously and I was still having a little physical, like physical fight or flight response, I mean, a physical body response. And I was trying to figure out because each of the ones I'm like, Well, I'm don't question that I'm a good parent. I mean, I will always question if I'm a good enough parents. And I feel like I'm doing as much as I can. Right? Like, yeah, super insecurity. I do think I'm just gonna always be wish I could be better because I,.
Kathi
Yes. And that already puts you ahead of like the majority of the people. The fact that you actually give a shit.
Megan
Right, like, I know, I know, there's so much more I could do. And it's just like, I feel pretty good about where I am. But so I'm like, I don't know, like a parenting jab that doesn't seem like it would, would bother me. And the thread I figured out was that each of the comments that bothered me, it wasn't that it wasn't what they said. It wasn't that they disagreed. It was It felt very, it felt angry, like the wording says, like this could have been said nicely, and still disagreed. Right. Right. Exactly. Agree with me at all. I really would love to have more conversations, because I keep I keep changing my opinions. And I keep getting proven wrong and figuring out things that are totally different than I thought all the time. So I'm open to that. Totally. Yeah. It was more of the like, and I'm here to be mean and make you feel bad. And it brought up I was like, oh, anger is something that I don't like, like you were saying the emotions. I don't like it. I don't like to feel it myself. I don't like other people's anger. I'm actively working on this. And it's still very uncomfortable thing for me. I'm like, can't we all be happy?
Kathi
Yeah, that's how I am. How can we just all get along and have fun and laugh.
Megan
though, like really feeling anger. And then like the last year or two has been such an interesting process. I asked my brother recently, just like, hey, you were brought up in the same family? Like, he had something going on? That seemed like he should be really angry about he didn't really seem angry. Yeah. Do you feel like anger is like a safe emotion to feel? And he said, Well, you remember what our grandma's favorite quote was, don't you? I was like, No, do you tell? He said, Only dogs get mad? I'm like, Oh, I don't remember that. He was 10 years older than me. So. And I was like, Oh, this is so cool. Like that belief. Yep. still really young. And then I'm sure pass on to my parents and then us of essentially like, whoa, okay, I'm like, Well, I don't want to be like the dog. And yes,
Kathi
yeah, we don't want to be like a pit bull.
Megan
So therefore, let's not do that anger thing. And then here we are having a problem with a comment on the internet. I know, right?
Kathi
I know, it's, it all comes from, you know, growing up and the things you hear and you know, I mean, at least we're able to recognize it. I mean, so many people just like sleepwalking through life not even realizing that they're being held back by these beliefs that have just been instilled in them since they were a child. And they don't they think like I am how I am like, this is just how I am. And it's like, no, that's not true. You can change the way that you think. And you can change your beliefs, which is going to change your entire world around you.
Megan
Like a puzzle to find these little nuggets.
Kathi
And oh, I love it. I love it, though. Like, like, if I am not growing at all, and I'm not talking about income growth, I'm talking personal growth. If I'm not like growing at all, and I don't ever and I don't feel uncomfortable, and I'm going through a phase where I don't feel any of that I then I start to freak out because I'm like, Oh, shit, now I'm getting complacent. I'm not growing, and then I start to act like you're not pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, or what else can we work on here to figure out you know, just that, you know, it's just I always just think I'm like, you know, at the end of the day, we're just this little speck flow, not a ball. Like, let's like, keep it in perspective here, right? Let's try to help as many people as we can reach their fullest potential to live a happy life. You know, how much joy can you bring to people like who can you help today and God, if we all could be like that the world would be a better place.
Megan
Such a fun conversation.
Kathi
This has been awesome. We should do a part two another day.
Megan
And I love it. So much to get so many good topics to talk about. So will you share again just like your website, your Instagram, where can people find you?
Kathi
Yeah, so you can go to kathireuter.com, So k-a-t-h-i-dot-r-e-u-t-e-r-dot-com. I also have the podcast, Do Life Big. And then I have a really cool free PDF that I highly recommend. It's a free little workbook that you can download right now. It has 19 of the most common limiting beliefs on there, and what to think instead it will give you the new, you know, empowering belief that you can replace that old limiting belief with instead. And that's at kathireuter.com/thinkthisnotthat, I can send that over so that we can put it in the show notes too. And how about you? Megan, where can we? Where can my followers find you?
Megan
I love that. Okay, so we're at Becoming Zesty on Instagram, and then our podcast is Becoming Zesty. And then our website is becomingzesty.com for all the things Becoming Zesty. So we have a free habit meditation, it sounds good. That might be something that would go really, really well with that your list of beliefs. So you all can download both. And then you can take the list of beliefs and then you can take that into it's just a meditation that walks you through, like what would be blocking you from getting to, from that old belief to the new belief or from an old habit to a new habit? Oh, I love that I'd be perfect. Yes. So I think it's becomingzesty.com/habit-meditation. 99% sure, but we'll just make sure to put the link in the Yeah, it's it's on our Instagram, too.
Kathi
And that's perfect. That's awesome. I love it. Well, this has been so much fun.
Megan
Yes. thank you so much.
Kathi
Thanks for listening. And we'll have to do this again.
