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[00:01:00] Hey my friend, what's up? And welcome back to another episode of Do Life Big. I am so excited to have you here today. Last week I was recording my session with my kids home and I apologized in case you could hear all the chaos in the background. Today I am once again apologizing if you hear the chaos in the background.
It is my son's last day of school. So there's a bunch of 13 year olds here at the house and if you hear anything in the background. That is what it is. All right, so thanks for being here. Let's just dive in and get right to this. How many times have you thought to yourself, who am I to be doing this? How many times have you thought that, or how many times have you looked at somebody else's highlight reel and thought, God dammit.
I'm never going to get there. There's so much further ahead than where I want to be. Or from where you are right now. And listen, if that's you, you are not alone and you are not broken. It is so common for you [00:02:00] to be having those thoughts like that. And so today I am gonna actually show you how to rewire those thoughts that inner critic so you can finally start to show up fully.
And confidently and powerfully so that you can be magnetic. So let's get right to this here. What this really actually boils down to is this fear of being judged, this fear of. Being not good enough, not knowing enough, not being smart enough, not having the amount of knowledge that you feel you might need to have to be known as the expert in that area.
And so it's this constant urge and this constant feeling that you know, you have to appear perfect first. You need to have all your shit together first in order for you to put yourself out there and actually start showing up and putting yourself visibly in front of other people. But lemme tell you. I remember when I switched businesses after doing the health and wellness business that I did for a long, long, long time, [00:03:00] almost 10 years, and I remember feeling those same exact feelings when I switched and created my own program and started coaching people one-on-one and started teaching people how to rewire their mind for more success and happiness in their life.
And I remember thinking, oh my gosh, this is such a huge change. Like I'm so used to. Running my social media, talking about health and wellness, it's health and wellness, this how health and wellness that, and I was known as the expert in that area. I didn't even have an Instagram account when I first started that business.
And so when I built it, it was all I talked about and that was what I was known for and I was so good at it. And then all of a sudden now, after doing that for 10 years, I decided I was gonna switch and start a new business. And I remember thinking those exact same thoughts of like. Maybe I need to wait till I have a little bit more success in this area before I really put myself out there.
Maybe I need to wait and get this set up first. Maybe I need to wait and make sure the whole course is complete before I actually let people know what I'm doing. [00:04:00] And it was all of these BS excuses of why I should wait. Why I shouldn't put myself out there, that people are going to see me as now this beginner in this whole new industry, and am I gonna really be seen and known as the expert in this area after switching from 10 years from health and wellness now to something totally different?
And so I remember thinking was exact same thoughts and I, let me tell you what it did. All it did was. Stunt my growth in my business. It prevented me from getting results because of that fear. I didn't put myself out there immediately or right away. I dragged my feet and I let that inner critic voice kind of run the show for a little bit there.
And so it is okay being seen as a beginner. You have to be okay with that because if you just sit and you wait for things to be perfect, which they never will be, or if you're worried about being judged all the time, then you're never gonna put yourself out there and you're never going to be able to have the impact that you wanna have and make your mark while you're here on earth.
[00:05:00] I remember multiple times going to several different business events where I just felt, oh my God, I don't have my shit together as much as these other people. I'm making a lot less income than they are. I'm like small fish in the big sea, and people are asking me for advice and I'm thinking.
Do they really want advice from me? Are they just being nice? They're like way up here. And I'm like down here. Right? And it was this constant fear of just , not being enough. I remember thinking the same exact thing too. I mean, I have examples. I could talk all day long about this, but we don't have that much time.
But I remember that there was this Facebook ads manager who I had hired before back in the day, and she runs her own business and she actually runs Facebook ads and manages them for tons of other online businesses. And she worked with several other mindset coaches, basically doing the exact same thing that I do.
But yet she reached out to me to ask me to come in and do a training for her community. She must think [00:06:00] that I really know my shit because out of all the people that she knows, I'm the one that she reached out to. And so the point of all of this is that it is common to have those thoughts.
And by the end of this episode, you are going to walk away with three mindset shifts that are going to help you overcome this imposter syndrome, because that's what it is. It's gonna help you overcome this imposter syndrome. It's going to help you stop comparing your timeline to somebody else's. And move through fear so that way you can show up and actually serve with purpose in your business.
Does that sound good? Alright. So number one, here's the first little mindset shift that we need to be aware of. The first one is this. We all have two little voices in our head. We have the little bitch voice, that's what I call it. And then we have our rockstar voice, but the inner critic voice.
That inner bitch voice. Okay. it's not even you, that's the thing. It's not really you. It's not even really your thoughts. It's. Just [00:07:00] your programming. And so most of your self-doubt that you actually have these thoughts that you have now, they actually come from subconscious beliefs that were actually formed years ago, probably when you were a child.
And then what happens is these beliefs get triggered when you do something uncomfortable. So anytime that you try to challenge yourself and come outta your comfort zone, that is when you get triggered. And this inner critic gets in your head, it's on your little shoulder. Don't do that.
That's stupid. You don't know what you're doing. Who are you to have these big dreams? Who are you to think that you can, help someone in this way, shape, or form? But none of this is actually your fault. So don't beat yourself up about it. Don't sit there and think like, God, I know.
I wish I didn't think this way. I wish I could think more positive. You can. None of this is actually your fault because our brains are wired for safety. Not success. It's a fact that our brains are actually not wired for success or happiness.
It's wired to keep you safe. It's wired to keep you comfortable. And that is why so many people stay in [00:08:00] things that they don't even freaking like. And this goes everything from your job to your relationship, to where you live, to friendships, that you have all these other things. Because we don't wanna break away from what we don't know and put ourselves into an uncomfortable situation and something that's not.
What we know, right? So this fear of judgment that you may be feeling actually comes from just this need to belong. That's all it is. We just wanna belong. We just wanna feel like we're part of something. It, what it basically is, if you wanna think about it this way, is it's like this old, outdated GPS system that you might have, and it's trying to drive you to safety, but it's using old directions.
And then those roads don't actually really lead you to where you wanna go. That's what your inner critic is doing, right? So what I want you to do right now is I want you to give this inner critic voice a name. Okay, now mine, when I did this years ago, was Betsy, the bitch.
Okay? Don't judge me. [00:09:00] That's just the first thing that came to my mind. But you're gonna pick a name, some kind of playful, fun name for your inner critic voice. So mine was Betsy, the bitch. Yours could be like negative Nancy, the perfectionist, the judge. Whatever comes to your mind, don't overthink it. Just pick a name that's playful and just.
Let it stick with you because here is the thing, and this is the very first key of it all, is that because being aware that you actually have an inner critic voice in the first place is actually your first step to being able to rewire these thoughts for new thinking and get over this imposter syndrome, right?
And this fear of being seen, that's the first step. If you're not even aware to it, then. We're gonna have a little bit of struggle. So by acknowledging that, I know I hear my inner critic voice in my head, oh, I know exactly what that bitch says to me. Every time I try to go do a live video, or every time I try to go send an email to my email list, or every time I try to go confront somebody in person, right?
You know what that inner critic voice is, so give it a name. And the [00:10:00] next step that we're gonna move on to with this is once we have that, now what we need to do is we need to shift from this place of living in comparison to compassion. So we wanna shift from constantly. Being in the comparison game where you're constantly comparing yourself to somebody else's journey, constantly comparing your chapter one to somebody else's, chapter 20, and move to compassion.
And here's the thing, let's be honest, right? Let's just call it like it is, social media makes it. So easy for you to feel like you're the only freaking world in the one right now struggling with a problem. Because when you're on social media, it's like, oh, doesn't everybody look so happy and freaking wonderful?
And the whole family's, and they're all matchy matchy outfits and, oh, they're all smiling and the kids are sitting perfectly in the photos and like, oh my, it's like. Well, because it's the highlight reel, right? But when you are constantly comparing yourself to someone else online, what you're doing is you're taking your focus off of you and you're putting it in their lane, and that's [00:11:00] not what we wanna do.
We wanna have all of our focus and tension on ourselves. How can we become better? How can we. Help more people. How can we get to where we're going by making a bigger impact, right? And so we wanna get away from constantly comparing and shift it more to compassion. So now, instead of looking at somebody else on social media, or maybe it's somebody even that you know personally in real life, instead of looking at them and thinking to yourself, God, I am so far behind, I'm never gonna get there.
How are they doing this? Why is this so hard for me? Why is it taking me. So long, why hasn't it happened yet? Instead of thinking those things, what we wanna do is we want to reframe it and start to put this new thought in our head of, I am not behind. I am exactly where I'm meant to be in the exact chapter of my story right now, so that I can learn when I need to learn, so that one day.
I can go and actually teach others this exact same [00:12:00] thing that I'm learning. You're not too late, you're not behind, you're exactly where you're meant to be in this exact moment. You're just being shaped right now by everything that's happening for you. Notice that I said it's happening for you, not to you, right?
So what this does is this flips it from a place and focus of comparison to a place of compassion. The third shift after that is now we wanna focus on shifting from people pleasing to purpose, because it is impossible to serve with purpose if you are just people pleasing constantly.
Now listen, I know because I literally lived my first 30 frigging years of my life as a people pleaser, okay? Not wanting to say the things I wanted to say 'cause I didn't wanna ruffle any feathers, not wanting to really speak my mind, never really wanting to do the things that I wanted to do because of what others would say or think, and it was a shit show.
Okay? At the end [00:13:00] of the day, the only one who truly suffers is yourself because you're not. Letting yourself be your true, real, authentic self. And so you are constantly in this inner battle struggle of fighting between who you really wanna be and who you think others want you to be. And guess what?
Who gives a shit what others think? Who cares? Really? Right now, I've reached a place after 15 years of personal self-growth and tons of mentors, mindset mentors that. I am 100% confident with who I am, and all it does is it brings more people who are like me to me, right?
And it pushes away the ones and weeds out the ones who aren't meant to be in my life. when you're a people pleaser, You really can't help anyone. You're hurting yourself and you let in all of these people because of your insecurities and you allow certain things to happen, and the way that people talk to you and the way that people treat you, and the type of relationships that you allow in your life, all because of this people pleasing mentality. So we wanna get out of [00:14:00] that because all it does is it keeps you stuck trying to be liked instead of just being real. And you know what people want more than anything these days is someone who is freaking real. Someone who is just gonna tell it like it is. And someone that you can count on. we all know somebody who is bullshitting and then we all know the people who are like, That person, they're legit, they're real. They tell it like it is. They talk the talk, and they walk the walk. When you are people pleasing and you live a life like this, let alone trying to build a business this way, right? All it does is water down your message and it blocks you from being magnetic, right?
And we wanna be magnetic. So you can start to shift away from people pleasing by thinking, Hey, you know what, not everyone is meant to like me. Not everybody is supposed to like you. That's not the goal here. That'd be like me trying to convince every single person that chocolate chip cookie dough is the best flavor ice cream in the world.
I think it is. But not everybody [00:15:00] likes it. Some people like Rocky Road, other boring people like vanilla. Sorry. But it is what it is, right? So you wanna be able to find your people. And the only way, and especially if you're in business, that you are going to attract more people to you is if you are yourself.
Period. Plain and simple. It's the only way that it'll work. And just remembering too, that confidence doesn't come from perfection, it comes from clarity. And if you're constantly trying to people please and be perfect and appear perfect and look perfect, you're not gonna have much clarity. And without that clarity.
You're not gonna know which step to take next in your business or just in your life in general. And the last part of this now is that wake up call.Fear is always going to be there. Yes it is. The fear never, ever freaking goes away. It doesn't,
The fear will always be there. It does not disappear. You just learn to build a new [00:16:00] relationship with it. You learn to recognize that when I have this little feeling of fear inside, that's my green light that I better fricking move my ass and take action instead of just. Standing still doing nothing.
It's like your green light to go when you feel that, that means that growth is on the other side of this feeling, this anxiousness that I feel this little uneasiness. That means that if I take action toward it, I'm gonna come out on the other side, a better version of myself, a more confident version of myself,
Because that confidence is going to come from taking action in those uncomfortable times where you feel that the fear is present. Anybody that you know. It doesn't matter how successful they are, they all have fear. They just choose to act anyways even while the fear is present. So you just learn to build a new relationship with fear as time goes on.
Confidence doesn't come first. It's the courage that comes first, and confidence is the result of that. So here's a really quick little mindset rewiring tool that I wanna teach you that you can use and you [00:17:00] can start doing this today. it's called the thought flip, right?
The thought flip. That's like a tongue twister. So first, what you're gonna do is you are going to recognize what the fear-based thought is. Then you're going to ask yourself, what is a more empowering thought instead that I could use in place of that? And then after that, you're gonna ask yourself, what is one small action that I can take today from this new belief now that I have?
So for example. If the fear was, oh my gosh, what if I post on social media and no one responds like that is your fear-based thought that you have that, oh my God, I'm gonna make this post. No one's gonna respond. I'm gonna send this email. No one's gonna open it. Whatever it is, you're gonna now flip that to, what if the right person.
Sees this and it changes everything for them. That's the new thought that you're going to put in your head. What if the right [00:18:00] person sees this and it changes everything for them? And then your action that you're gonna take is you're going to just post one story today with a value tip, or you're gonna send that email with the value tip in it, right?
And so it's this constant work over and over and over again that will help you rewire your mind for more success, more happiness to help you overcome this fear of being seen. You don't need to be perfect, you just need to be powerful.
You don't have to have it all figured out to help someone. You just have to be willing to get out there, take the action and. Show up to your business messy, not having it all figured out. You don't need to have your shit together to make an impact and to matter and to have purpose.
Okay? Because the messy action will be silence and inaction any day. So. I hope that you enjoyed this episode. If [00:19:00] you wanna go deeper on this, make sure you get your name on my wait list for my Empowered Moms Business Circle community that is going to be opening so soon. You're just gonna go to kathi reuter.com/empowered.
I will put the link in the show notes. It's gonna be a game changer. For so many of you, I can't wait to see you in there. We dive deep into all of this. It is the key and the secret to more success and happiness in your life, and not just business, but in all areas that you feel are more aligned. You feel more purpose, you have more alignment, you feel more joy in your business and your life.
It's the place to be. And you don't need to do it alone. You can do it with me by your side as your mentor, alongside hundreds of other women who are also ambitious just like you, who are raising families and building businesses at the same time. So kathi reuter.com/empowered.
Thanks so much for being here. You know I love you and I think you're awesome, Bye. [00:20:00]
